Gotcha Day

Today, 32 years ago I was adopted by the Gumienny family.  We have celebrated this "Gotcha Day" for 32 years.  For 32 years I've relished in the celebration of me.  It wasn't until this year that I realized that it was NEVER the Gumienny's who "got" me.  But it is just the opposite.  It was me who got them.  See life wasn't and isn't always peachy or easy and that is all my fault.  But being in this family has nothing to do with me.  It has everything to do with Love.  Love placed me here because Love knew I would need it most over the last few years.  So this gotcha day I sent thanks to my family.  This Gotcha Day I celebrate them. The ones who loved me through it all.  Naturally more than just these people have loved me throughout my life but I have successfully driven them away.  Here's to the few that, no matter how hard I tried, I could never get them to do anything but love me.  So here's to you mom, dad, Tracie and Kylie.  I love you all...  And I post these emails for the world to see because they deserve recognition.  Even though these words don't do them justice my hope is that this is a start...

To my sister I wrote:

Tracie,

I started to right an email to everyone but I decided to do it one on one because I wanted to tell you some things pretty close to my heart.  The following words are completely from the heart but they are nowhere near what the situation deserves.  I know I have a loving family.  You guys have been there for me through thick and thin and you’re still here.  What a testament to love.  What a testament to family.  I know I don’t show it well but you guys mean the world to me. 

32 years ago today I was an infant.  I had no clue what was going on.  I can imagine waking up hungry and happy.  I had no idea what was in store for me as I was dressed in my santa suit.  When I think about it today I imagine you guys in some checkout line waiting to pay for your new baby.  J  The years that would come would be the best that a guy like me could ever hope for.  I don’t know what my other life would have had in store for me but I know what this one has yielded.

                 It gave me a sister that would do anything for me.  You have loved me through my roughest times and you are still here.  You’re one of my best friends.  Tracie, I would do anything for you.  I haven’t known the love of any other sibling but I can’t imagine it being any more full of goodness than what you give me, Trace.  You don’t know this but in my darkest moments when I didn’t think I could go on in life, when I just wanted everything to go away and when I wanted to literally die.  There was one person I could never bring myself to leave.  It was you, Tracie.  You have saved my life in more ways than one.  I don’t know if it was all the smiles and laughter we’ve shared or remembering curling up to you in your bed Christmas Eve’s so long ago.  I don’t know.  I just know that I never wanted to lose you.  Now, being a little older and finally being able to see what an amazing family I have I am completely baffled that you’re still here with me.  Behind me.  Rooting me on. 

                 So here’s to YOU on this Gotcha Day.  It wasn’t you who was blessed with a baby brother.  It was some poor child who didn’t have a home.  A little boy that no one called their own that found his way into this family where love has never been an issue.  See, it was never you who got me.  It is the other way around.  It’s always been me who got you.  So I celebrate you today.  I celebrate mom and dad and Kylie.  You guys are the only things that matter in life.  You 3 are worth valuing and loving and giving it all for.  So here’s to a new year of being your brother.  Here’s to a new year of being Kylie’s uncle.  I know I haven’t been there for you these past few years.  But I’m here now, Tracie.  And I love you. 

I. Love. You.

Your proud brother,

Joshua

To my father I wrote:

The following words are completely from the heart but they are nowhere near what the situation deserves.  I know I have a loving family.  You guys have been there for me through thick and thin and you’re still here.  What a testament to love.  What a testament to family.  I know I don’t show it well but you guys mean the world to me. 

32 years ago today I was an infant.  I had no clue what was going on.  I can imagine waking up hungry and happy.  I had no idea what was in store for me as I was dressed in my santa suit.  When I think about it today I imagine you guys in some checkout line waiting to pay for your new baby.  J  The years that would come would be the best that a guy like me could ever hope for.  I don’t know what my other life would have had in store for me but I know what this one has yielded.

                Dad, you were always the example to me of what it was to be disciplined in my walk with God.  Every ounce of determination that I have I got from you.  And every area I see lacking in my life when it comes to taking care of a family is from you.  Every area that I see in my life where I am undisciplined is because you are the template for that.  As I’ve gotten older I realized that I am SO much like you.  I wanted to share with you something I wrote a while back.  It’s about you.  Take the time to read it.

 
***Please reference 'Like Father... Like Son...'*** - I'd never shared this with the old man and he still may not get it when he reads it but I can only hope that at the end of my life I have loved half as much as that man.

To my mother, I wrote:

Good morning and happy Gotcha Day,

The following words are completely from the heart but they are nowhere near what the situation deserves.  I know I have a loving family.  You guys have been there for me through thick and thin and you’re still here.  What a testament to love.  What a testament to family.  I know I don’t show it well but you guys mean the world to me. 

 32 years ago today I was an infant.  I had no clue what was going on.  I can imagine waking up hungry and happy.  I had no idea what was in store for me as I was dressed in my santa suit.  When I think about it today I imagine you guys in some checkout line waiting to pay for your new baby.  J  The years that would come would be the best that a guy like me could ever hope for.  I don’t know what my other life would have had in store for me but I know what this one has yielded.

 I say that, mom, because I finally see that it was never you, or Tracie or dad that got me.  It is me who got you.  The adoption creed you gave me sits on top of my desk.  I see it every day.  I can recite it from memory.  It goes “Not flesh of my flesh nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own.  Never forget a single minute – You didn’t grow under my heart but in it.”

            How does a man know what love really is?  How does he figure out how to move one from heartbreak?  What happens when a fool has done so much damage and no one wants to be in his life?  Who does he turn to?  Where does one go when he’s burned every bridge he possibly could?  When the pain seems to much and there is only one place for him to go, where does he go?  When all hope was lost and faith was disappearing faster and faster every moment what does he have to believe in?  I don’t know about other men but I turned to you.  You were/are the one to show me what love is capable of.  You were the example of pressing on.  You have always been here.  You are the one I can turn to.  You were the unbreakable fireproof bridge.  You are worth believing in because, by the grace of God, you have never let me down.

                 So here is to you on Gotcha Day, Joy, mom, friend.  To you.  I may have grown in your heart but that is because your heart is so big.  You have and will always love me and I know that now.  If I ever need a template for loving the unlovable I will simply look at our relationship.  I will look to you and what you’ve shown me in life.  I can honestly say that I know what it truly is to care for someone because of you.  So thank you, mom.  Thank you for being my friend.  Thank you for picking me up that December day so many years ago.  Thank you for all the years that would come.  Thank you for being my Louis Lane when I was Superman.  I would leap off the couch with my cape and fly into your bedroom to save you.  How ironic that it would be you over the years that would swoop in to save me.  And save me you did, time and time again.  I love you.  I will never forget what you’ve done for me and I will never forget that I’ve but just glimpsed the love you have for me.  I could only hope that one day I will be able to love others half as much as you have loved me and my sister.  Thank you, mom.

I. Love. You.

Your son, Your Sonshine,

Joshua Allen Gumienny

 So that's a small testament to how much I am loved.  It took me 32 years to really see it.  Thank God my eyes have been opened to the love that has just been showered upon me for 32 years.  And here's to the rest of my life being grateful to my family.  Love is unstoppable.  Love is victorious.  Love covers a multitude.  Love simply is.  Love. Wins.  Always remember that.

The Blanket: A Kim Larmouth Inspiration

Joey stared in awe at the tall building through the window at the back of the school bus.  It was bigger than ANYTHING he had EVER seen.  He was SO excited to be out of his ordinary classroom that had the same view of the same street and the same old tree in the same old school yard.  He stood in line on the bus and waited patiently to exit.  His excitement was so great that he almost forgot his little red blanket.  “HUH!?!?”  Joey gasped half excited that he remembered his favorite keepsake and half scared that he couldn’t reach far enough back to grab it from his seat.  The line started moving so Joey quickly stepped out of line and grabbed his blanket off the back of the seat in which he was just previously sitting.  By the time he was ready to get back in line he noticed Suzy had stepped in front of him.  She wasn’t trying to be mean, she was just scooted forward by her teacher.  Joey was SO happy that he didn’t forget his blanket he didn’t care WHO was in front of him.  He was out of his classroom and had his BEST friend in the WHOLE world with him. 

As Joey exited the bus he could see his warm breath in the cold air and stepped out onto the corner of Fifth Avenue and West 34th Street.  He could hardly contain his excitement but he waited patiently as his teacher, Mr. Billywiggles, which is of course his real name and not an attempt to make anyone laugh, was giving out instructions.  “Everyone must stay together and in line.  We are going to walk in and get on the elevator which is going to take us ALLLLLL the way to the top of the Empire State Building.  Now remember children, it is VERY windy up there so if you have on a hat or anything that can blow away then hold onto it very tightly.  Keep your jackets zipped up because it is much colder up there than it is down here.”  ‘Whew…’ Joey thought to himself.  ‘I don’t have a hat’.  And they were off to the elevators.  He was absolutely elated with the laughter of his friends and other classmates.  What a day this was turning out to be.  He had NEVER been on an elevator without his parents let alone being with SO many friends all at once outside of the classroom.  As he climbed into the elevator with Mr. Billywiggles he noticed all the little round buttons and the numbers.  He could count them all.  Not on one hand of course because the Empire State Building is VERY tall and there are in fact One Hundred and Two floors.  Joey was almost to 36 when the glow illuminated the number reading “102”.  “OK, children.  Now remember, stay together.”  As the doors opened Joey gasped.  He had never seen anything like it.  He hugged his red blanket tight, not to keep it safe but to just fill its warmth because, in fact it was very windy atop the Empire State Building and the breeze had infiltrated the elevator from the outside.

As he walked with his classmates he heard Mr. Billywiggles talking.  However, Joey was SO excited and filled with joy that he couldn’t make out one single word that Mr. Billywiggles was saying.  The neared the door to the outside observatory.  Joey was just moments and steps from the door to the outside.  He held his breath unknowingly as he neared the threshold.  Just one more step now.  It seemed like the children in front were purposefully slowing down and that time was simply not moving as fast as it was just moments ago but he knew this wasn’t true partly because he knew that all the other kids were just as excited as he was to get outside and partly because he knew time machines weren’t invented yet so there was NO way that time would slow down.  With the thoughts of excitement and time machines filling his head he hadn’t realized that not only was he STILL not breathing but he was now standing under a big blue sky out in the open.  He could see everything.  He gasped, not because he had been holding his breath for a FULL twelve seconds but because of how truly amazing the sight was.  He saw all of his city.  He pictured himself as a superhero flying over the city and it dawned on him.  ‘This is why I brought my red blankie’.   He looked around shyly not wanting anyone to know that he was about to play pretend.  I mean he was 7 and 7 year old's didn’t play pretend on a field trip which is why he was going to be sneaky about it.  He quickly lifted his blanket up over his head and he saw it flapping in the wind envisioning that the blanket was in fact a cape and flapping in the wind on his back.  He closed his eyes and sighed in jubilee as he carefully tucked the blanket into the back of his jacket just as he tucked it into his pajama top every night at home just a few minutes before bed so that he could fly through the house and save the lady in distress.  It was normally his sister but sometimes his mother needed saving too.  Now at this point he simply didn’t care who saw him.  He was a hero and everybody LOVES heroes.

At that moment a great gust of wind came.  It was so strong that Joey had to stand his ground.  After all, he was a hero and no gust of wind was going to throw him off.  So he planted his feet stubbornly as if to beckon the wind to blow all the more furiously.  Something bright red flashed to the right of his vision.  He turned and saw someone’s red blanket flying through the wind and thought said aloud “On NO!!!”  Somebody had lost their blanket.  The blanket settled on the railing just slightly out of his reach but he knew not to leave the line he was standing in so he willed with all his might that the blanket land safely and be retrieved by its owner.  Sadly the wind carried the red blanket over the railing.  He felt sad for a brief moment knowing that someone on top of the building was going to be very sad.  He was so relieved to know that he had secured his blanket to his own back.  He reached back to just touch it knowing how it would devastate him to lose his own blanket and superhero cape.  His eyes grew wide.  His hand started to move around quickly.  He looked to the left and then to the right not looking for anything but simply because he was frightened.  The cape wasn’t there.  ’Oh NO!!!’  He thought.  The tears came instantly.  The warm drops ran down his face.  It was HIS blanket that flew over the edge of the building.  Why didn’t he step out of line to grab it.  He surely would have ran for it had he known it was his.  Oh WHY didn’t he think to realize that it was HIS blanket?  Why would he have ran for HIS blanket and NOT someone elses?  As all these thoughts ran through his head he sank to the ground and began to cry.  He cried because his best friend was gone.  He cried because he couldn’t rescue his sister and his mother when he got home just before bed.  He cried because he realized that he would have ran after it for himself and not for someone else.  His chest tightened from the slight pang of realization that had he been willing to help someone else save their best friend in the whole world he would still have his.  It was right within his reach.  He could have stepped out for just a moment and grabbed it.

Seeing the crumpled child on the ground, Mr. Billywiggles walked over to Joey.  “What’s the matter Joey?”  Joey just looked up with tears in his eyes.  He couldn’t answer and Mr. Billywiggles didn’t need one.  He noticed Joey and the red cape upon his back just moments before it had gone over the edge.  Mr. Billywiggles knelt down and looked Joey in the eyes and with all the heart and warmth he could offer said “It’s going to be OK.  I promise.”  Mr. Billywiggles offered his hand to Joey to help him and Joey accepted.  He rose to his feet and began to collect himself but he couldn’t stop the tears from coming.  The rest of the tour seemed like an eternity.  Finally the time came to go back inside and get back on the elevator.  As Joey entered the elevator he didn’t bother to look at the glowing light counting down from 102 to 1.  He didn’t bother to look up at all.  He stared at his feet all the way down and watched the occasional drop of saltwater ping off his shoe onto the floor.  Though he was still sad that he lost his best friend he was more disappointed in himself that he was too selfish to save someone elses blanket rather than his own.  As the elevator doors opened he stepped out.  He looked up finally and noticed the bus waiting to collect the students.  They would be headed to Central Park now for lunch where Joey planned to fly around the park and save Suzy from all sorts of dangers.  But no more.  He would just sit and have lunch alone with a park full of friends. 

Now Mr. Billywiggles was standing at the door and he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.  There was an older gentlemen just on the other side of street from the bus.  The man had brushed away the snow that had been settled on the concrete path so he had a place to sit and stay somewhat dry.  As Joey approached the door Mr. Billywiggles pulled Joey aside.  When all the children had climbed onto the bus and were in the care of the bus driver Mr. Billywiggles knelt down and said “Joey, I know that you lost your blanket but can I show you something?”  Joey swallowed hard with sorrow and nodded yes.  Mr. Billywiggles pointed across the street.  As Joey’s eyes followed the direction Mr. Billywiggles was pointing he noticed it, flapping in the breeze, his red blanket.  He saw nothing else through his relief as tears began to flow anew from his eyes.  He looked up longingly at his teacher and without having asked the question Mr. Billywiggles was already answering with a nod as if to say ‘Yes.  We can cross the street.’  Mr. Billywiggles held out his hand and Joey grabbed on with all his strength.

As Joey and Mr. B crossed the street it became clear to Joey that his blanket was in the possession of an older gentleman.  The man was sitting in the corner.  He looked dirty and as Joey and his teacher approached Joey noticed he smelled dirty too.  He was shivering too.  As Joey and Mr. Billywiggles neared the man huddled in the corner Mr. B asked “Do you want to ask for your blanket back or shall I?”  Joey didn’t know how to answer.  There was a familiar pang as his chest tightened.  Somehow Joey found the words to tell Mr. B.  “No sir, I can do it.”  They were not just a few moments from reaching the man that appeared to be cold, dirty and hungry.  Joey found himself holding his breath once again for no other reason than the excitement of the unknown.  At that very moment the man in the corner looked up and though he was obviously uncomfortable a warm smile came across his face.  Without Joey having to ask the man said “Well there could only be one reason you came here to my corner.  This must be your cape little hero.”  Joey nodded silently and then spoke “Yes sir, it is.”  The man removed the blanket from his lap where it had been resting and lifted it to Joey and spoke kindly.  “Here you are son.  Hold onto it from now on.”  With a wink the older man spoke again “A hero needs his cape.”  Looking past the cape Joey noticed how thin the man’s pants were.  It was as if the pair of pants he was wearing were his only pair.  Joey also noticed that there were holes in the pants and it was snowing outside.  Joey looked up and met the man’s gaze.  He knew he was cold because he was shivering.  Joey couldn’t understand why the man was smiling so being as cold as he was.  The pain in his chest tightened as he retrieved his blanket from the man’s hands.  “Thank you sir,” Joey said has he hugged his blanket tightly.  Tears began to roll down his face again but not for loss of his friend the blanket, nor was it for joy of finding something he thought he’d lost forever.  As the tears rolled down his face he realized that they were tears of some kind of happiness.  As he hugged his blanket one last time he extended it back to the man in the corner and said “Her sir.  You have it.  It’s cold outside and this blanket will keep you warm.”  Among the three of them there was not an eye that did not begin to tear up.  The old man in the corner generously accepted the gift and with his voice quivering managed to get out “Thank you.”

With a warm smile to the old man Joey looked back up to Mr. Billywiggles who was taking off his jacket.  As Mr. B handed the jacket to the man in the corner he reached up to dry his eyes.  They stood there for just a few moments and Joey spoke up.  “My name is Joey and it was nice to meet you sir.”  The exchanged smiles for the last time and they parted ways.  Though the two walked back across the street in the cold their hearts were warm.  Climbing back onto the bus Mr. Billywiggles looked caught Joey by the shoulder and turned him around.  As he looked at the young man before him he said “You’re a real hero to that man Joey.”  As Joey turned around and headed back to his seat he realized that it isn’t the cape on your back that makes you a hero.  It’s what’s in your heart.

The end.

Josh on Choosing the Proper Camel

***Later that Day in Outside of Cairo, Egypt (True story)

So there it is...  around noon.  My crew and I step out of the bus that drove us to the base of mount Sinai.  Now came the decision that would affect us for the rest of our lives.  A good decision would make for a life altering event.  A bad decision would also make for a life altering event.  I wish I could say I made a good decision but my hand was forced by fate to make the only decision available to me.  The bad one.

The time had come for each one of us to pick the camel that was to carry us to the top of Mount Sinai.  As I watched my friends led by professional camel handlers to the camel of their choice I was enspired and comforted.  I've not had the best experience with saddled animals. I'm kind of a big deal. Literally. 6”2' of sheer glory with about 290 – 300 pounds of Hey How Ya...

Last time I was on a saddled animal was just days before this.  The horse I rode was chased by a trained dog to get the horse through the tour as fast as puppily possible. and boy was he quick AND I didn't see any of the Giza Pyramids sat that time since I was too busy screaming like a girl.

So I'm comforted to know that 1) there are no dogs and 2) I can pick a camel with a saddle big enough to fit the cargo (my butt).

As I watch the last of the team fit their cargo to their camel's saddle I walked up to my professional camel handler.  Our conversation went something like this:

Handler:  “Hello.  Time to get camel.”

Me:  “Ok.”

Handler:  “Camel pick you.  You don't pick camel.  It's camel's choice.  (Even as I try and remember the way the guy talked I can only picture him speaking Chinese so if the way I depict my interaction with the PCH (Professional Camel Handler) seems like it was with a Chinese guy, that's why...  But he was Egyptian.)

Me:  “How will I know when camel pick me”

Handler:  …  he just laughed...  He didn't say anything he just laughed.

The team leader I was with yelled out from his comfortable spot on his camel and said that I would know when the camel would “pick me” because he would allow me to get close enough to saddle up.

So off I went to find my camel.  Naturally I strayed to the largest camels and was turned away.  They scoffed at me and spit at me. Literally, it spit. It was thick and orange and had the consistency of grits.  Grits like grandmamma made.

It should be stated that I have never known any of my grandmother’s to make grits nor have I ever known anyone else’s grandmother to make a fore mentioned grits.  I do however know of the grits you can order at “Cracker Barrel” not that I ever ordered previously mentioned grits from the Cracker Barrel breakfast menu since they have some EPIC biscuits and gravy and though I know you can order breakfast for lunch and dinner I would consider it absurd to order the following breakfast items for dinner UNLESS there was no other choice.

Oatmeal

Grits

Pancakes

Breakfast Tacos

Eggs (apart from a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit… homemade of course.  Bacon and cheese can be consumed separately and are not found on the above mentioned list)

So I literally went through the remaining handful of camels and none of them wanted to carry me...  Obviously they were pros and they knew what it meant to carry a big guy. Suddenly I see him... Wide eyed... Happy... Innocent...  Pure... Smiling...  A little black camel...  It was as if fate herself brought us together.  As I gazed into his eyes and he in mine it was as if you could hear the soundtrack of a romantic movie this world has yet to see.  Our bond was strong and this little guy had 2 things the other camels didn't have.  Ignorance and Inexperience.  Though trying to get my “cargo” into this little guys saddle was like trying to squeeze an apple into a water hose, I sat proud.  And my camel, though smaller than the others, stood tall.  and seemingly afraid.  He tried to back out twice by kneeling back to the ground but I wasn't having any of that. He made a commitment and like all Allah fearing camel's this one knew he stood before the wrath of his maker.  So, on we went. 

Now the little guy had heart.  He did not give up and we made it to the top of Mount Sinai.  Oddly enough, halfway up was Base Camp.  (This would have been an easy hike on foot by the way).  So at base camp what do I see???  Coca-Cola and Snickers bars.  And where was my money?  In my hand of course as I paid for the snickers. That's right folks. I had a snickers bar and a coke the same place Moses met the God of creation.

What was my reaction?  I like to think it was similar to Moses’ reaction when he encountered the very Glory of God.  We both fell down and worshiped God for all good things including Chocolate nougat and Caramelized carbonated sugar water.

So back on the camel and up the hill we go... up the hill...  Finally we make it to the ruins where we will set up our sleeping bags in this freezing altitude. 

At this point in our relationship, the camel and I were glad to break our fellowship.  The sorrow is equal to that of the sorrow one feels when leaving prison.  And if you equate said sorrow to a number, then that number equals 0.  0 being the least amount of sorrow one person can feel in any given situation concerning camels.  It takes about 5 minutes for what I call the docking process to complete.  This is where my camel had to find a flat piece of ground in which to dock with.  My little buddy gets down on his front 2 knees and then the back and it then laying on the ground in exhaustion, so it’s like a roller coaster right before it takes that big drop but without all the fun that comes with a roller coaster.

You could almost hear the little guys relief as I dismount.  He is no longer under the “oppression of the man.”  This is the point in the journey where, if the other camels had hands, vocal chords and proper air support to form speech, they would have pointed and laughed.

Later that night at the local watering hole, the camels would share the story of the day’s events.  One camel would say…  “Did you hear what the Newbie?”  and the watering hole tender would say “No I sure didn’t…  Tell me.”  On and on hilarity would ensue all at my steeds expense. 

This would drive him to have abandonment and acceptance issues for many years after the fact and these issues would drive him to the bottle and isolation.

Ok.  So I pay the amount previously agreed upon to my handler for the use of my trusty steed and start to walk away.

My PCH approached me at this point and the conversation went something like this.

And again... forgive me for the Chinese Egyptian dialoged

PCH:  “You pay double!!!”

Me:  “Excuse me?”

PCH:  “You pay double.”

Me:  “Why would I pay double”

PCH:  “Because your camel is tired.  Can’t work NO MO.  He did double work.”

Me:  “What do you mean he did double work?”

PCH:  “Your camel twice as small.  YOU twice as big.  You pay twice as much.”

There was no arguing with the man.  His calculations and theory was solid.  We settled for 60 pounds.  I was happy to pay the price.  The little guy did, after all, lead me to food and drink of the likes that I had not previously brought with me, and honestly, how many people do you know that went all the way to Egypt, rode on the shoulders of some poor victimized camel to the top of Mount Sinai (the same place where Moses met God) and had a Snicker’s bar and a coke?  That’s right… Just one.  Me!

In conclusion, the old Egyptian saying goes…  If you lead an American up a mountain in the middle of nowhere and before him you place creature comforts such as chocolate peanut nougat and soda you will earn a profit.

And that's how you choose your camel.